Third Eye Blind

Last night was the first night I couldn't sleep in a while. I kept rolling over in my bed with my mind racing. I think it was the music I was listening to. Once I changed the cd, everything was ok. And the night before, I woke up realizing my dream was just a dream. I wonder if it was a dream of things to come or a warning. So now I just have to think if I'm gonna let one dream stop me or go through with what i've been wanting to do for a while. I tried once but put down the phone before I dialed in the last number. The next step is just finding time to pick up the phone and make a call to her. It's almost been a year and i read the email she sent me and I'm wondering if picking up the phone is right at this time or if should I wait a little longer or just not do it at all.

August 13: "... So there it is, I hope you can make sense of it. If anything this letter acts more as a way to reveal my flaws as a person and my incapacity to be mature and deal with situations, than any tangible faults of yours. This all being said, I think you should give me some time... If you really want to stay friends, which honestly I wouldn’t really understand, give me at least until the beginning of school to cool off. If you don’t want to, I understand, and I sincerely apologize for being inconsiderate and selfish. ... Anyhow, that’s all I have to say and if you don’t want to speak with me anymore, I just want to let you know that I hadn’t really been friends with someone this long, thanks for the friendship and I’m sorry I used your actions as a way to ruin it. I know you didn’t deserve to be treated this way, sorry, don’t think I don’t feel any guilt. I just hadn’t figured a way to deal with this that I felt sure about and that would not hurt your feelings, I guess this isn’t it either. Once again, sorry, I probably don’t deserve to be in your inner circle of friends. Remember my request.
Thanks,
Amanda"

There was more to it but it wouldn't have made sense to anyone else. And I just finished reading my reply to her and a sentence I wrote jumped out at me:

Oct. 26: "I hate to see a friendship go but I'm tired of trying. Once I hit send, I hope just to forget this whole thing and move on."

Ugh, I haven't forgetten. I haven't.